a lot of my paintings give me a similar feeling...there's something in there, i know there is, but my mind doesn't want to understand. i usually figure it out at some point and that's not an easy feeling.
whatever your motivation, you're creating great art!
i think everyone has dark spaces in their mind that they keep hidden, but some people, like you or i, have large dark spaces that feel very threatening and too big to try to deal with. i'm sure there are many things in my mind that i will never think of again, and i think that's for the best.